Men Staring...
The picture below is where the maids live near the graveyard in traditional huts.
This is a picture a few blocks away of a doctor's house.
While I was taking this picture, a man-boy who was perhaps 19 or 20 drove up the street with branches on the back of his bicycle. We looked at each other as he went by and I was a little startled by how bright and aware he seemed. He stopped about 20 meters away, stood leaning up against his bike holding his branches and staring at me. This is a common occurrence for the western yoginis here. Sometimes it is unnerving because a man will stand in (what for a westerner) would be a woman's personal space, fold his arms on his chest and just stare. When I go out this happens continually. Now, in my defense, my attire here is about as sexy as a nun. And some days I cover my head with the shawl to hide my hair which is in a braid. Apparently, the problem is that I am fair -skinned and -haired and blue-eyed.
Anyway, I turned at one point and while looking down at the camera held in front of me so he could not tell what I was doing, I took this picture of him looking at me:
Then I took a few more pictures of the house with different settings waiting to see how long he would stay looking at me. Finally, I turned and held the camera up and took this:
Now, if you are a man, imagine going to a country and having women stare at you like this. Because he did not exude an aggressive or predatory feeling that some of the men do while staring, I walked up to him. Which, amusingly unnerved him. I showed him the picture on the digital viewer and he pointed at it and pointed to himself and I knotted and he dissolved into this big little-boy smile. It was really very sweet. Then some older man came over and said, "Is that him?" I knodded and the older man started yelling "15 rupees!" I do not know if that was the price of the picture, the camera, the model fee or me - but the young man's smile disappeared and he looked pained. So I turned and left.
posted by Matrika at 1:09 AM
9 Comments:
Take care of yourself.
I was in India 25 years ago. My impression after your reading: India hasn't changed so much. I've fair hair and people stared at me all the time. But to be honest, sometimes I stared as well, because there are so many incredible beauties in India. Sometimes I couldn't move my eyes away.
Your pictures are great. I'm curious what will come next.
Do be careful as Ursula just said. It is always better to be on guard wherever you are.
That said, he was just curious because people in India dont usually stop in front of people;s houses and take pictures :-). If you did not feel threatened then it was not too dangerous. But do not do this too often at night. The number of drunken people increase. Try not to make too much eye contact. The friendliness you may exude may deliver a different kind of message to guys! Even when I go back to India for a visit I keep telling my children to give as little informationas possible out. Not to be too obvious about where they are from... People stare at me when I click pictures on Sayyaji Rao Road :-) They are not used to locals clicking pictures either HA HA!!
Inequitable distribution of wealth exists everywhere, only the magnitude is different. One just has to go to certain areas in, say, Cincinnati and compare them to other priviliged neighbourhoods in the same city and the magnitude of the difference (as compared to India)is probably the same.
I dont know what to say about the staring though. I am an Indian male with a slightly lighter skin than most Indians and a shaved head - I get a lot of people staring at me when I go back.
I enjoy your blog, especially to see what an outsiders perspective on India is. Keep blogging and I hope your foot gets better soon.
Have a gander at:
http://blanknoiseproject.blogspot.com/
Yes... Ursula, Psumysore, and anonymous... I know that I need to be careful... thank you for your cautions. And Anon, thank you for the link on eve teasing. This was my nicest experience of the staring thing - he really was a pretty innocent boy when it came down to it. I have had some rather unpleasant, scarey experiences and sometimes cover my whole head to avoid some of the staring at my hair.
PS, I want to post honestly without being flamed. I do not know if that is always possible. Many upper caste Indians bristle at mentioning the poor or the treatment of women. I see your point but, and I say this as gently as possible, I have stayed in Cinncinati (and many other American cities). The poor have shelters with clean, drinkable water and electricity and heat to get through the winter. The children have free public school with a free lunch program based on need. Children must be immunized for polio, tentanus, measles, mumps, rubella (essentially all the things that are prevalent in the country for which there is an immunization) before entering public school. Public schools direct parents to free clinics where this can be done if the parents cannot afford it. Children of school age found on the streets during school hours are taken by police to Child Protective Services and they find out why the child is not in school. Child labor is very rare in the US. Once children learn to read at public school, they can go to free libraries to increase their knowledge. Most American colleges (and the government) have grants and loans to help people who cannot pay. Boys and girls are educated equally. State hospitals will do emergency health care to people who cannot pay. Yes, it is much harder to be poor than middle class... as it is everywhere. But the U.S. has a minimum standard and a safety net so that people do not die on the street of curable diseases. Also, the poor in Cinncinati are a much smaller percentage of the population. The vast majority of the population is middle class. To give an outsider's perspective, it would be dishonest to say that the poverty isn't very stuning to a westerner. Also, about the staring thing, I think that the link Anon posted gives an Indian woman's perpective. Although children and women stare, the men stare more, longer, and often stand close and are not wearing a kind face.
Dear Matrika, Thanks for the response, I dont have time to write a detailed explanation right now but I will try to in the next day or two.
Namaste Matrika, Thanks for your response and I appreciate your honesty. It is a little unreasonable to compare social services available in the US (the worlds richest country) with India (a developing nation). It is like comparing apples to say an all you can eat buffet.
Despite that, consider these numbers – the population of India has increased 3-4X since independence in 1947. Part of this has been possible due to wide spread immunization campaigns - available free of charge to almost all Indians since independence - increased food production, literacy etc. Even with the current level of prosperity, think about how effective the US government would be in providing social services if the population of the US were to increase by 3-4 fold in the next 60 years.
Regarding education in India, the country has actually done remarkably well in the last 60 years. Consider this, my father was able to put three children through college while making between $150-200/month (which is nothing even by Indian standards). The only reason he was able to do that was due to a heavily government subsidized higher education system. It would certainly be nice if the education net could be extended to include more people in rural areas but it will take time.
Regarding rights of women and minorities, even in a progressive country like the US, it took a while for women and minorities to gain equal rights and that too did not happen without a fight. Consider this, the US still hasn’t had a woman or minority running the country but India has.
Like I said previously, inequities exist everywhere, only the scale is shifted (after correcting for everything). It would certainly be nice if more wealthy indians were more philanthropically inclined. Maybe and hopefully that will come with time. In any case, I would be more than happy to answer any questions regarding why things are the way they are in India.
I still don’t have a good answer (but I do have a hypothesis) regarding the staring though
PS... thank you for your educated thoughts on some of my experiences seeing Mysore for the first time... you do make good points. All comparing of cultures is apples and oranges. Still, there are basic things that as a human I can feel. I am much less powerful here as a woman in any transaction. In the US there has been no woman president... but arguably woman have more tangible civil rights than, for example, in England even though they have had a woman prime minister. By "tangible" I mean, the ability to be hired, paid, and promoted equally. India has yet to have a leader that is a woman on her own... not the stand-in for a dead male relative. I think it is hard for a man to truely understand how women are treated. I was speaking with an American man yesterday who was blissfully unaware that his woman classmates were being stared at, groped, and cut in-front of in line on a daily basis.
Ohhh, I wonder what Henry Kissinger will have to say about Indira Gandhi being called a stand-in for a dead male relative. He called her a "(some adjective I cant remember) bitch". In any case I was never a big fan of Indira.
But anyway, prior to independence, people from villages/tribal areas were not allowed to come squat in cities by the British or the Maharajas. After independence, there were no such limits. India was a free country and people could travel where they wanted to. As a result, people who had been living in villages/tribal areas for generations came to cities for the first time. I dont blame them because they have as much of a right to come to cities looking for a livelihood. But as you can imagine this can lead to certain adjustment problems, which unfortunately, you are experiencing first hand.
Unlike any other major religion, Hinduism worships many forms of female divinity. So mistreatment of women is not something that is culturally ingrained. In fact that is the reason why powerful female politicians (Sonia Gandhi included) have no problems garnering respect from the masses.
Also, women entering the work force en masse is a relatively recent phenomenon in India so there will be an adjustment period. And I am still not convinced that most women are hired, payed and promoted equally in the US as well.
Lastly, if you look at India 1100 years ago, sexuality, nudity etc appeared to be fairly well accepted. This is attested to by sculptures of nude women/men on numerous temples all over India. It was only during the later islamic and christian rule that sexuality etc was frowned down upon. I guess the point I am trying to make is that shabby treatment of women is not something intrinsic to indian culture. But a 1000 years of indoctrination is going to take some time to undo. Once again, I am just trying to provide possible explanations and by no means providing justifcations for shoddy behaviour.
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